My nipple is on Facebook.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
