How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
