All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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