Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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