Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Green mimosas i think yes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
