It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
