I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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