I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize