I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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