Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
