I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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