2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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