How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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