chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
