Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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