i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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