My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
