i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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