this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
