Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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