i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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