I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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