If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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