i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
