Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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