my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
