She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
