im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
