the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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