I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize