i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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