Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.