Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover