I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice