it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today