How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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