i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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