Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize