Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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