you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drake has all the answers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
