What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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