The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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