You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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