Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
