You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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