New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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