Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
birth control should be required to get into college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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