for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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