Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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