I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This toilet bowl is my home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
