Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
