you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
