Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
