I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
