Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
