Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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