i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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