Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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