Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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