i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
