you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
