how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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