I CAN MOONWALK!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
