see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
These tits shall not be calmed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize