he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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