i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
