the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
