just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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