I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
