Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
