Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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