Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
