Soap is not a condiment
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize