Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
