she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
