Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
