Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
