I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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