and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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