He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
