Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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