I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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