You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
