when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
