Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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